Where Am I Going?

I just started writing a very downward-spiraling posting. Completely inappropriate for this blog, I realized. More the sort of thing to talk about with a close friend or to write about in my journal than to post for anyone happening by this page to read.

So instead of focusing on things that will only depress me further, how about taking stock of what I am doing and have done.

I sang four concerts in three weeks. Given the dearth of work over the past year, this was a welcome boost.

I am in the process of planning repertoire and structure for my one-man show. Will it be a cabaret act or will it be scripted? Will it draw on autobiographical elements or will it be theme-based? How can I choose pop music that is appropriate for my voice and won't sound like some pathetic self-produced, poorly-advised no-talent? (Oops... let's not slip into negativity there.) There are so many songs that I'd like to sing, and I'd love to nestle opera and art song right up there next to as many different pop styles as I can bring off. Keeping on the up and up with this is a real challenge.

I am well on the way to finding a new agent, and I am always thinking of new ways to create opportunities for myself instead of waiting for City Opera to call again, which, for some reason unknown to me, they have not done and simply may never do.

I have been teaching and coaching on a more consistent basis and I am very, very good at what I do. The challenge for me is to actually turn this talent into a money-making pursuit. Surely I am not SO anti-capitalist that I can't at least make a living!

I have been reworking and revising my three books for children and am taking a course at the New School starting next week on writing children's picture books. These stories are so good; I know that, and yet it's so hard for me to put my work out there to be judged.

Okay, I have aired enough of my dirty laundry for today. I have an audition coming up for a new opera this fall and if I get my shit together, I know I can get the job.

I'll come back tomorrow or the next day with a reinforced sense of myself and my own self-worth. I'll probably take this posting off anyway.